Today I have the privilege of presenting a recent online interview conducted with Mrs. Stacy McDonald, author of Raising Maidens of Virtue and co-author of the recent book Passionate Housewives: Desperate for God. Although she has proven herself proficient with the "pen", Stacy's life is blessed with several roles which are especially dear to her: she is a loving wife to her husband, James, who is a pastor; the contented mother to 10 children ( homeschooling those remaining at home); and a proud grandmother to a newly-born baby boy. I am very grateful for the privilege to share with you her thoughts and her heart's desire to encourage mothers as they raise Christ-seeking, virtuous maidens. Read on...I pray you will be blessed! :o)
First of all, let me say thank you for agreeing to be interviewed about your book Raising Maidens of Virtue. I have heard from many mothers and daughters who say it is "the best study they've ever used". How long did it take you to write the book and did you anticipate the response it would create?
Raising Maidens of Virtue (RMV) was written over a three year period – though the majority of the book was finished during the year before the book’s completion. I didn’t know exactly what sort of response it would receive, but I’ve been thrilled by the feedback I’ve gotten over the last few years. It’s impacted more than just mothers and their adolescent daughters. I’ve heard from mothers of younger daughters as well as college girls who told me the book helped them reevaluate their thinking and goals.
My intention in writing RMV was to provide a tool for mothers to use to build relationships with their daughters as they discussed hard, but necessary, topics. Some of the subjects in RMV (modesty, purity, flirtation etc.) are difficult to discuss, so they often get avoided (by no discussion at all) or exploited (by giving too much information at a young age). Many mothers have been thankful that the hard topics are covered in the book, without assaulting their daughters’ purity in the process.
I know, looking back over my youth, I wasted many of my "maiden years" on selfish interests, which I now look back on with a bit of regret. Describe your maiden years and how this affects your training now as a mother of daughters.
I too wasted my maiden years. I squandered that precious time abusing my body, dishonoring God, and trying to fill that great void within me that only God could fill. I didn’t become a Christian until I was past my teens, so I struggled in many areas those early years. Here is an excerpt from the acknowledgments page of RMV that answers your question:
As I look back over the tapestry of my life, it is easy to see how God used the foolish sins and painful experiences of my past to mold, shape, and prepare me for [writing Raising Maidens of Virtue and ministering to mothers and daughters]. Along with that, the sobering realization that I was responsible to successfully raise pure and godly daughters in a morally polluted culture caused a longing in my heart for something better—something clean, fresh, and lovely. The result was a vision for our daughters, a vision for a sacred return to feminine maidenhood and purity.
Stacy, I know you are blessed to have daughters who desire to please the Lord through their dress and attitude. What advice would you give to another mother who was struggling with encouraging her daughter in this way?
First of all, be an example of a woman with a meek and quiet spirit. Show her what it looks like to have a servant’s heart—to be submissive, modest, feminine, loving, and content. And let me be the first to say that I’m not always successful at these things—but when I fail, I try to be real with my daughters and let them know. Many times they’ve seen me repent and rely on God’s grace, as I start over—yet again.
Next, be patient. Sit down and help her sort out the heart motives behind her actions. Forcing a daughter to simply comply outwardly to what is truly a heart issue will cause her to either eventually rebel or to put on a good act. You can let her know the standards of your household, but don’t leave it at that. Continue to teach and deal with the heart issues as God brings them to the surface. Talk openly with her about her concerns and questions and always point her to Scripture.
I myself struggle with finding modest, feminine clothing where we live. What sources does your family use to fill this need?
Though we utilize many store bought clothes when we’re able (including resale items), my daughters love to sew and design many of their own dresses. They’ve borrowed the beauty from different eras in history as they’ve learned to create patterns for modern use. Recently, my 17-year-old wore a dress that her sister, Tiffany, helped her make. It was a pattern from the 50’s that she modified for today. Next time they make it, they’ll probably modify it again—getting a little more creative with it as they learn. They've also made Regency dresses, Edwardian dresses, even Roman-inspired dresses. Does that mean we’re “stuck” in some past era in history? Only if you think it’s beneficial to reject anything from the past simply because it’s “out of style.” You can visit my blog and see we don’t dress in bizarre costumes—but we’re not slaves to fashion either.
We can create our own styles. We don't have to obey the fashion gurus in New York or France or wherever they are. We don’t have to make a fashion statement; we can be the trend setters by making a purity statement. The hip hugger/mini skirt crowd has had their turn long enough. Christians should stand up and start taking the lead; that’s part of taking dominion (control) of our culture for Christ.
Here are a few of our favorite websites:
Finally, you and Jennie Chancey have just collaborated and released a new book: Passionate Housewives: Desperate for God. For my readers who have not yet read it, can you give us a glimpse into what your book is about?
The “me-first” ideas and teachings out there today are overwhelming. We were so tired of seeing new books and teachings coming out that told women they needed to focus more on themselves – not only because it’s unbiblical, but because it doesn’t work! It may be a quick fix, but it won’t give women what they’re truly after—peace, satisfaction, and a fulfilled life.
Also, we wanted to do more than dispel the myths and stereotypes surrounding the role of the housewife. We wanted every woman to know that being a helper to her husband, raising godly children, and properly managing her home is well worth the effort. We wanted to impart a vision—to communicate the beauty of living out Christ in the day to day life of a housewife.
If you’d like to read our recent interview with Kim at “In a Shoe,” visit the links below:
Click here to read the interview with Stacy.
Click here to read the interview with Jennie.
Also, to learn more about the book, you might be interested in reading my post Are “Passionate Housewives” Desperate?
And now for a few of the questions sent in from Sparrow's Nest readers:
Aside from the most critical objective of guiding children in the love of Christ towards their salvation, what lesson or lessons do you see as most important for young women and young men, respectively, to learn to become virtuous adults?
"That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth; that our daughters may be as pillars, Sculptured in palace style;" (Psalm 144:12, NKJV)
Our sons are to be like plants grown up. This reminds me of Psalm 128:3, where children are described as olives plants around one’s table. The olive tree is designed to span generations. Long life and slow, deliberate growth are some of its characteristics. This is what we pray for—generations of children who love and serve God faithfully. Godly families that span generations.
This takes deliberate training. Our sons need to care more about developing godly character and living fruitful, God-glorifying lives than they do the latest iphone or computer program. To do this, we must foster in them a desire to glorify God in every area of their lives.
That our daughters may be as cornerstones…A cornerstone is the foundational stone at the corner of two walls. It’s not used in just any structure, but it’s typically found in temples, churches, mansions, or elaborate buildings. A cornerstone is set in a prominent location and typically has an inscription that tells of the details of the structure’s history.
So by looking at the cornerstone you could tell who designed the structure, how old it was, who built it, who owned it and possibly what it was worth as a historical monument.
Other Bible versions use the word pillar. “That our daughters may be as pillars, sculptured in palace style…” So what’s a pillar? A pillar can either provide a strong foundational support to whatever is above it or it can stand alone as a monument. Typically, it supports something.
When the world sees our daughters they should see strong pillars of faithful purity and beauty. A godly maiden is a living testimony to her Creator—she amplifies not herself, but God. Supporting and serving not herself, but her family and those who God calls her to serve.
Our daughters are to be molded, shaped, and polished so that they are strong cornerstones who actively glorify God and stand as a steadfast testimony to future generations. Interestingly, as a polished cornerstone, a maiden’s testimony bears the holy inscription of the One to Whom she belongs. And since she isn’t her own, but she’s bought with a price, her very life should vibrantly declare the glory of her Creator.
Dear Mrs. McDonald, I wanted to ask you if you feel like pants are always considered immodest or do you feel like that there are certain styles that you find to be modest. Please give me an example of the pants (if any) that you do find modest.
First we have to remember that modesty is an issue of the heart. Immodesty says, “Look at me!” Modesty says, “Look at Jesus.” We’re to glorify God in everything – including how we dress. When our hearts aren’t trying to attract inappropriate attention, we’re not as likely to dress in a way that does. Do I think some pants are appropriate for the Christian woman? Sure I do. Do I get to decide which ones are ok and which ones aren’t? No; but I do have a few ideas that might be helpful to you as you evaluate your own heart motives, as well as your own wardrobe.
I have known women who were most assuredly feminine and very modest in a pair of loose pants. One woman that comes to mind is one of the most modest and feminine women I know. This particular lady often wore very pretty dresses and skirts (some she made herself); but occasionally she wore a pair of slacks. They were always very feminine and elegant and they didn’t cling to her back side in a way that might distract others (they were loose and almost flowing). She was the epitome of what I would call a lady.
I haven’t seen my friend in a while; I miss her. She had an air of modesty and femininity about her that was contagious; mostly because of her meek and quiet spirit. After all, what's on the inside eventually shows up on the outside.
Likewise, you may know women who dress modestly from head to toe, but their attitude seems to contradict the way they dress, as they constantly cry for attention. Perhaps they frequently put others down in an attempt to build themselves up. Or maybe they’re loud and obnoxious, never allowing others to speak. They may be flirtatious and forward; speaking things that ought not to be said in mixed company. Maybe they brag about their wealth, their job, their looks, or their brilliance. All of these things expose an immodest heart.
Evaluating various articles of clothing won’t get us anywhere. We must instead evaluate our hearts and remain sensitive to the Holy Spirit as He shows us areas where we have sinful motives, or where we are likely to weaken or stumble others. The friend I described above displayed a lovely spirit...and it showed. The way she dressed was consistent with her spiritual testimony. May we all seek to do the same.
Can you tell me what you consider to be modest or immodest dress?
So many times we try to package modesty into a nice list of rules. We just love rules, don't we? Sorry, there is no such list. Immodesty certainly abounds in our culture, but there is no specific dress code that will wash that away.
Jesus said that if a man looks upon a woman to lust after her he's already committed adultery with her in his heart. Jesus wants our hearts to be modest. It’s more than just the outward action – but, we need to remember that this doesn’t mean the outward action is unnecessary. That’s where we see Christian liberty twisted and abused.
If our hearts are truly modest, then our demeanor, our dress, our speech, and attitude will all eventually line up. Sometimes it means we need to be taught and challenged, but it eventually happens. Like I mentioned earlier, when we reflect a modest spirit, our very presence points to Christ. Still, if you really, really want a list, here's one you can ponder:
1. Does what you wear reflect a heart focused on the Lord Jesus Christ?
2. Does what you wear communicate a love for others or selfishness?
3. Is what you’re wearing likely to cause a man to lust (Romans 12:10)?
4. Does what you’re wearing draw the eye (by being too tight or revealing) to areas of the body that should be covered for everyone but your husband?
5. Is what you’re wearing going to expose intimate areas of your body if you bend over?
6. If you honestly examine your motives are you wearing what you’re wearing to attract the opposite sex (other than your husband)?
7. Does your choice of clothing speak dishonestly of who you are as a Christian?
8. And here’s the most important one. Does what you wear point to Jesus or to yourself? Do your clothes say, “Look at me,” and in so doing, distract others from God? And let me remind you, this can be done in clothing that is not the least bit sexually enticing.
A huge thank you to Mrs. McDonald for sharing her wisdom and thoughts with us here at the Nest! If you would like to read more, please feel free to visit her online blog, Your Sacred Calling. If you have any questions or comments you wish to pass on to Mrs. McDonald, feel free to post them and I will make certain that she receives them. Thank you! :o)
